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Captured and Awaiting Trial
Ricky Martin
He was living la vida loca with his monkey bride Misty Vervet in Hollywoods Beverly Hills. We Caught Mr Martin after Misty
(our undercover agent) took him to a monkey dogging location and tipped of the special branch who were in the tree above.
Mr Martin has acted like a sissy girl ever since he was captured and regularly pees his pants.
Jocelyn Wildenstein.
This hideous creature wanted to look like a cat but we showed her the error of her ways. Now Ms Wildenstein not only resembles
a siamese cat but also has a baboons arse. Human vanity astounds us. She currently is undergoing more surgery to correct her
ingrowing toenails which we have replaced with flippers.
Dale Winton
Mr Winton is currently being broken by monkey psychologists to explain the reasoning behind 'supermarket sweep.'
Richard Madeley
He entertains the monkey infants at the creche by thoughtfully allowing the baby oranutans to swing off his gangly appendages
whilst doing his ali-g impression 24 hours a day.
Latoya Jackson.
She's a monkey whore.
Jim Carrey.
We all love Jim Carrey and don't want anything bad to happen to him. He made us all laugh and one of our favourite films
is Ace Ventura Pet Detective in which one of our capuchins has a the leading role. Jim Carrey is currently working on Ace
Ventura Pet Detective 187- 'when Monkeys save the world. Again!'
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Death To!
Animal Testing Laboratories and those who work within these confines.
Tony Blair- for forcing us to take action against his decision for war.
George Bush- Guilty of the same - American intelligence (if such a thing exists) tells us that he is still mocking us
with his outrageous impressions of Segreant Jim Panzee.
John Gummer- former Secretary of State for the Environment UK for allowing Chinese companies export of Macaque Monkeys
to a company called Vanny Chain.
Condoleeza Rice- for her part in the George Bush travelling circus of monkey impressionism.
Dick Cheney- he owns many companies which decimate our natural habitat, plus he's a square headed cuntflap.
Colin Powell- we belive that Mr Powell has four caged vervets at his home which he keeps in appauling conditions, making
them do his housework, and to which he forces himself upon them.
Brittney Spears- her voice drives the howlers wild. Many have had to undergo intensive shock therapy and be admitted to
a Brittney Anonymous Help Group.
Christina Aguilera- **Captured and condemmed to death** for crimes against music/humanity/fashion/intelligence etc.
Vanessa Feltz- Her yo-yo dieting is the epitomy of everything which is wrong in human society. Image obsessed Feltz will
always look like Miss Piggy no matter how much weight she shaves off her chin. Plus she used to work for Glaxo and eats monkey
brains on crackers.
David Blunkett-He is NOT blind. Sgt Colubus once threw a banana at him in London Zoo and he caught it. He's up to something.
Margaret Thatcher-You humans have still not realised that this iron lady is indeed made of iron. Made at our Monkey Technological
Base in Nevada- this death-bot was supposed to bring down the government but short cicuited and went mad. She evades capture
by posing as a human and speaking like the Queen.
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Executed!!
The Beckhams
They've been gone a long time people. Replaced by fuckwit-bots, you can hardly tell the difference. Their only crime
was being iconic images for Humans to aspire to, they wore too much burberry, they spoke in broken english which even our
translators found difficult to understand and they only thought of monkeys as fashionable. Mrs Beckham was hanged for wearing
a monkey stole. Mr Beckham was made to walk to plank- which is to say he masturbated himself to death. Their children are
currently being raised by baboons.
Stanley Gibbons
For having the name- Stanley Gibbons and not being a Gibbon
Carol Vorderman
For being clever at Maths, being on Countdown then icing the cake by appearing in adverts for loans.
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